Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
