Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
