thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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