the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
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