He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
