the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
