its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
