Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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