If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
