How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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