i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
