My sheets look like a crime scene.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
