i was born a porn star she said
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize