Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
