There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
