Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
