Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
