Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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