i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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