D3 body, D1 cock
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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