what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
