we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
