This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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