i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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