I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
