I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
