what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Randomize
