Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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