i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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