oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
