Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
