I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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