were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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