So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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