just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
