Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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