I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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