Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize