Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
