I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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