On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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