So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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