we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
