I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
