is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize