i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize