This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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