Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
