I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
