We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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