I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
