Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
