half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
