Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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