you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
