Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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