mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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