he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
