I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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