I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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