So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Randomize
