Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize