I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Text me some of your sweat
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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