Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
