I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
