Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
