The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Edward fifth and chaser hands
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
