I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
