On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
