Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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