He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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