K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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